In previous posts I wrote about the excuses we use not to plan for elder care.  The 70/40 rule of thumb developed by Home Instead states that if your parent is 70 years of age or older and you are 40 years of age or older, you need to talk, you need to plan.

This is easier said than done.  Elderly parents sometimes see why things cannot be done as opposed to trying to figure out what can be done.  In his excellent book, The Parent Care Conversation, Dan Taylor offers some great advice as to how to have the parent care conversation.

Dan builds his discussion around four parts; Challenges, Alternatives, Resources, Experiences.  Knowing that home care is a complicated, stressful, time consuming undertaking getting it right at the beginning can be immensely helpful.  Knowing how to talk with your parents is the first step.

These discussions should be an opportunity to get your parents to tell you what they want.  You should not make the decision for them.  They have to buy into the solution and they won’t if they think you are forcing it on them.

Challenges: Some people, not necessarily elderly ones, have reasons why something or anything cannot be done.  The purpose of this part of the conversation is to have your parents see their future in terms of what they want to see happen and not as a series of inescapable unwelcome events.  Try to get them to see that the future can be planned for.

Alternatives: that planning will involve options.  Try to develop a problem solving attitude and start to build on a positive attitude.  Have them see that the years ahead could bring them the things they want.

I’ll write about the next steps in my next post.