As Dan Taylor points out in his book, The Parent Care Conversation, the person using this excuse doesn’t want to open themselves to a law suit from relatives who will criticize them over their care for the elderly parent.

This is my whole point.

Nothing is written in stone.  If relatives think they could manage elder care better, let them try.  The temptation is to let past family patterns of behavior dictate present or future patterns of behavior.  That was fine when you were twelve but it may not be fine when you are forty five and have a family to raise.

Don’t lead with your heart.  Elder care is immensely complicated especially if there is an inheritance involved.

Don’t do this alone.  Don’t depend on verbal agreements with your relatives.  Don’t depend on past patters of behavior.  You need to protect yourself.  You are not going to rescue your parents.  You do not want to fight this out in court.

If you are considering home care for your elderly parent(s), talk to an expert be it an elder law attorney, a geriatric case manager, or a financial planner.  Let them spell it out to your relatives about the work and the cost.  If your relatives think they can do it better, let them try.

I heard of a story about a woman who was taking care of her mother who had multiple conditions.  The caregiver’s brother had financial problems among other issues.  He wanted to care for the mother because he saw it as an opportunity to gain access to the mother’s financial resources.

He took his mother in.  Two weeks later, he called it quits.  It was way past his ability and skill level.

If you don’t think you have the financial skills to manage your parent(s) affairs, it is easy enough to hire someone with those abilities.

Plan ahead.  Get good advice.  Don’t be intimidated.