This is another excuse Dan Taylor talks about in The Parent Care Conversation and one that I can relate to.  We never talked with my father-in-law about his future plans.  We never even thought about it.

There are two problems with adopting this attitude.  The major problem is you most likely end up responding to a crisis.  Your options at that point are more limited than if you planned in advance.  Those limitations are what makes surviving home care so hard.

The secondary problem is to determine how competent you parent(s) are to make decisions on their own behalf.  If you get them to agree to something you leave yourself open to charges that you coerced them.  Then it falls upon you to prove that they were competent to make those decisions.  Elder abuse is a huge issue that I’ll write about in the future.

When we started to provide home care for my father-in-law we were finally able to address what he wanted to do.  Since he wanted to still go to concerts at the nearby music festival, we arranged for a way to have him live in his home for the summer.

His life had changed.  It was not over.

He could not drive but he still could take his walks.  In a couple of years he gave up air travel.  His diet changed but he still could tell a good meal from a mediocre one.  He still decided what concerts he wanted to attend.

You can’t cure their chronic conditions.  The best you can do is keep them contented, comfortable, and clean.