I was at a luncheon the other day and I spoke with two sons-in-law from two different families about their experiences with elder care.  Their stories perfectly illustrate the two different approaches to home care for the elderly.

In one family, the mother-in-law relocated from Long Island to California to be near her daughter.  The mother was living in a continuing care community and she loves being there.  She is making friends and is very contented.  The mother has enough assets to allow her to live there for four years.   After that time the three children will each contribute to keep her living there.  There are assisted living and nursing home facilities on campus should she need them.

This is the first time I have come across such a wonderful solution.  I’ve been looking for this type of cooperation for a long time.  I was beginning to think it didn’t exist.  I’m so happy for her and her family.

In the other family, the mother lives next door to her daughter.  The family knew at some point the mother would need some help.  This became obvious when the mother could no longer walk up the stairs to take a shower in the upstairs bathroom.  She had to go next door to her daughter’s house.  They did not remodel the bathroom in the mother’s house during the three years this was going on.

Then the mother had a stroke.  She was in rehab and would be getting out in ten days.  Because of complications from the stroke she would not be able to go next door to take a shower, she would have to shower in her own home.  That meant they had to expand the existing half bath into a full bath.  In less than ten days.

Fortunately, they had contacts in the construction business and were able to get it done.  But, why did it have to come to this?  Why didn’t they see what was going to happen?  What else are they overlooking?

Amazing, isn’t it?