Sometimes family members become estranged.  If the relationship with a parent was never close it just adds to the complexity of planning for their care.  Elder care is not easy under the best of circumstances.

Here are two suggestions to overcome this challenge.

The first thing is to get your head straight about your relationship with your parent.  You need to get to the root of your feelings toward your parent.  A strikingly effective and yet simple way to do this is explained by Byron Katie in her book, Loving What Is.

The technique she developed after years of effort can be done by anyone.  It begins by writing down a sentence that describes how you fell about another person.  For example, “I’m upset with my father because he paid any attention to me.”  You then ask yourself the following questions.
1.    Is that true?
2.    Can you be absolutely certain that it is true?
3.    How do you feel when you have that thought?
4.    How would you feel if you did not have that thought?
Then you rephrase the original statement.

By using this method you see that your issues arise from attaching an emotional meaning to a thought that might not be true.  When you realize this it is very liberating.

You can see Katie going through this process with members of her audience on her website, TheWork.com.

If you can clear up the old baggage of your relationship you will be in a better position to go forward.

The next thing to do is to get some idea of what is involved in elder care.  You could, of course, sign up for my 17 week Action Program that will guide step by step through everything you need to know about surviving elder care.

If you want more general information contact the Area Agency for Aging in your county and ask to speak to one of their counselors.  They can give an idea as to what to expect.  Armed with that info you can start the process of talking with your parent about their needs.