When we started providing elder care for my father-in-law he could still do the five activities of daily living; toileting, bathing, dressing, grooming, and eating.  He read the newspaper every day and was able to go for walks unassisted.  As time went on those activities became harder and harder to do.  Bathing was one of them.

When he was younger, my father-in-law used to spend an hour and a half getting ready in the morning.  As he got older he felt less and less the need to shower.  And for the elderly a daily shower is not needed and could be detrimental.  Their skin becomes fragile and the extra handling could be irritating.

One day, at around two in the afternoon, it became necessary for me to give him a shower.  He resisted strenuously.  I lost my temper and began arguing with him.  I could feel my blood pressure rising.  During a lull in our discussion he said to me, “Do you want to fight me?”  That was it.  I called off the shower.

I found a better way the next day.  In the morning, I escorted him to the bathroom.  While he sat on the toilet, I removed his socks, pajama bottoms, and his adult brief.  I asked him to kindly remove his pajama top.  When he was finished I cleaned him up and simply asked him to walk into the shower stall. I had the water running to warm up the room and he silently went into the stall, sat down on the bench and I was able to shower him.

No muss, no fuss, no arguments.  Because I had him half naked to begin with the rest was easy.